im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
