direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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