Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
