Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
