Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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