im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
