Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
