it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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