between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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