I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
