Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
