Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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