Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
