Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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