I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
