So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
