I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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