The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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