me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
