Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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