If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
