Small penises have feelings too.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
