I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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