Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
