I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
