Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
