Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
