yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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