would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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