You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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