i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
