As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
