if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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