I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
