Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
