My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im six kinds of drunk right now
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
