we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
