He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I did not marry a roomba.
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