One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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