why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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