Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
