dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
