I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
