Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
