I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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