She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
