Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
