i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
