I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
