.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
