did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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